I surrender
by Wanderer000
Summary: Damon and Elena in their search for Stefan. Their days are spent on the road, their nights in motel rooms. The motel room setting is taken from Shadow Souls. SMUT WARNING.
1. Chapter 1

**The theme here is Delena and motels, as the motel scene is my favourite Delena moment in the books. This one here is very different, of course :)**

**The title and song for this fic belong to Digital Daggers- I surrender. **

**I own nothing but my imagination.**

**REVIEWS=LOVE **

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><p>I sweep my glance across the room; it looks the exact same way the one before had, and the one before. I`m starting to lose track of how many days we had spent on the road, and how many nights we had slept in rooms, not much different from this one.<p>

It is all getting repetitive, if not tiresome.

My eyes contemplate green walls and matching curtains, a bedside table and a small wardrobe, a TV set and a small fridge; the standard furnishing, no luxuries. Luxuries are the last thing on my mind right now; I`m just grateful to see a bed in front of me.

A double bed, covered in plain white sheets.

I sigh heavily, as I collapse on the bed, feeling all exhausted and not even bothering to take my shoes off. The mattress is very uncomfortable, its lumps and springs digging into my body, even through my clothes; but I am too tired to notice any of it.

And too numb to care about trivial shit anymore.

My mind absentmindedly wonders where Damon had gone to after giving me the keys to the room and the thought of him is the last coherent thought I have, before my lids close and I drift off to sleep.

When I wake up, the room is dark and I wonder where I am for a moment, before it all comes back to me; lately, the days are all blurred in a mixture of dusty road trips and faceless motel rooms, days and nights losing their meaning as we are crossing almost half of the country, following the vague instructions Bonnie was able to give us.

I look around in the darkened room and my eyes make out Damon`s dark silhouette, staring out of the window. I am aware that I`m suddenly relieved and happy to see him; for a moment, no longer than a heartbeat, the completely irrational thought of him leaving me sends a treacherous chill down my spine.

Of course he wouldn`t; we`ve already come this far. I can`t help but feel guilty sometimes, knowing that he felt responsible for me, but nothing could dissuade me from coming with him to find Stefan. I know that when we eventually find him, he is going to need me.

Maybe they are both going to need me.

As always his presence provides me with a sense of security and comfort, however fleeting, before I remember the real reason for us being here.

Stefan, of course, and the thought of him immediately evokes the familiar pang of creeping anguish and maddening worry right back into place, shoving the placidity of Damon`s presence aside.

He senses that I`m awake and turns to look at me, his eyes almost gleaming in the dark with their intense blue.

My head is still heavy and drowsy from my slumber and I rub my eyes with my palms, in attempt to shake to sleep off.

I blink at him as I notice that his hair looks damp and my mind register the sound of the rain, pattering against the window.

"What time is it?" I ask him, as I stretch my arms and notice that he had removed my shoes off. It must be him, as I don`t remember taking them off.

"Just a little past nine. Wanna grab dinner?" he offers and I can see his concern for me in his eyes. I don`t remember when was the last time I had decent food in my stomach, but I don`t really care. Food is the last thing on my mind right now.

"What about you?" I ask, as I make my way to the bathroom. Deciding I can take my shower later, I just splash some cold water on my face and start brushing my teeth with one of the cheap toothbrushes the motel provided.

"I already had mine" I hear him chuckle darkly and I decide not to ask any more questions. I shrug a little as I wipe my face dry with the motel towel; I don`t even dare look at myself in the mirror, afraid of what I might see in there. I look horrible and I know it, I don`t need mirrors for this.

"Huh, right..." I mutter as I my eyes wander around the room, trying to locate my handbag. I find it in the corner, where I had previously tossed it and I take out my hairbrush; my hair probably resembles a nest by now and I start vigorously brushing it out. A gasp escapes my lips as I try to untangle a knot and my eyes starts watering as I curse loudly.

I see him arching an eyebrow at me and before I can blink, he`s no longer sitting on the bed.

"Here, let me help you." I hear his voice behind me and he extracts the brush from my hands. I shiver slightly but not because I`m cold or anything.

"Hmm, thank you.." I murmur, my mouth suddenly dry and I close my eyes. He starts working the brush through my hair, his movements light and gentle as the brush glides slowly from root to the tip of my hair.

I stand completely frozen on my spot as he repeats the process and I can feel the bristles of the brush almost massaging my scalp; it feels downright erotical and goosebumps rise on my flesh.

It feels better than it should and I allow myself to forget everything for once and just feel.

The brush is no longer moving through my hair, but he`s still there, behind me; I can feel his cool breath as he lets out a sigh and his hand lightly touches my shoulder.

The bristles are replaced by his hand, gathering locks of my hair and running his fingers down the length and my head falls back.

I can hear my own heartbeat, thumping madly in my chest and I take a deep breath in attempt to calm myself down; I can only imagine the sound must be deafening to his ears.

The tension is so evident between our bodies, almost palpable; it makes me squirm a little.

Slowly, I turn my head to face him and my eyes fall on his, which are now much darker than their usual azure blue and I am captivated by his gaze.

Something drags me downwards in a spiral and I am sucked deeply in some sort of vacuum atmosphere in the closed space between our bodies; the world slows down as time cease to exist.

I can read the unspoken question there and my head slowly nods down, a movement barely discernible.

His face slowly descends on mine, as something is pulling him down to me and my head tilts in response to his movement as I surrender.

The tiny voice in my head, is desperately trying to tell me stop this, but I ignore it all the same, because next thing I know, the lips- his lips- are on mine and the room around me disappear.

We now stand in the middle of nowhere.

A jolt of shock and array of emotions surge through my body as his soft lips open mine and I allow him entrance. One of his hands gently rubs my back, while the other one slide up my neck and tangle in my hair.

I sigh heavily, forgetting all about hairbrushes and tangled knots.

I moan softly into his mouth as I feel him catching my bottom lip between his and sucking on it lightly as he wants to taste me.

He likes it, because he pulls my face harder and deepens the kiss as I whimper helplessly into his mouth.

I can feel his tongue now sliding further into my mouth and my entire body starts shaking, reacting to the kiss and his touch.

Reacting to him.

My breath comes out ragged as the voice in my head keeps screaming at me that I shouldn`t be doing any of this.

That we shouldn`t.

_Oh, shut up already. _

His touch sends shivers down my spine and I start to melt as he grabs me by the waist and pulls me and it feels so...

Heavenly sinful.

A heat is coursing through my body and pooling between my legs, making my underwear damp with the evidence of my arousal.

But then he releases his grip on me and steps back; my head is spinning but I make the effort to open my eyes, confused at his sudden retreat and I pray silently that I won`t collapse pathetically on the floor.

He grunts something incoherent and I see his eyes gleaming in the dark with tiny flickers of apprehension.

He looks beautiful in this moment with his hair dishevelled and uncertainty in his eyes, I've never seen in Damon before; there is something very innocent and vulnerable about him that makes him look like a young boy and I am enthralled by him.

All of a sudden I am painfully aware of the fact that he isn`t a boy; he is a man, capable of making my knees weak and my body tremble with foreign sensations, leaving me shaken to my very core.

And yes, I know that we shouldn`t.

But we would all the same, because this time I am the one that takes the step.

One step only and my lips are on his again, and my hands are cupping his face and I kiss him hard and deep, as I desperately pull him closer and closer to me.

No more words are uttered between us, no more questions asked; I don`t care to analyse anymore, because the moment I start to think and rationalise the situation, I know I`ll have to stop.

And I don`t want to.

I prefer this mind numbing state, this black hole, where nothing outside exists, where all thoughts are wiped clean and there`s room for nothing else but me and Damon. For all the things he makes me feel, for all the sensations his lips awake in my body; in this moment I feel alive.

I kiss him with all of the fervour I`ve been harbouring for so long and I hear him groan against my lips. His hands fall on my hips and he presses me to himself, his desire for me evident as I feel the bulge of his jeans pressed to my body.

My fingers run through his surprisingly soft, black hair and I grab a fistful, pushing him to lean on the wall as I continue to assault his mouth and our bodies grind together, seeking desperately contact and friction with one another.

The only sounds in the room are our heavy panting, mixed with the heavy thuds of the rain, still pattering against the window, but I hardly hear any of it.

His lips trace a line from my jaw down my neck and linger there for a moment, right at the point where he can feel the rapid pulsation of blood underneath my skin. His tongue is hot and burns everywhere he touches and another moan escapes me as I gnaw on my bottom lip.

My head falls backwards, exposing the soft skin on my throat perfectly as he buries his fingers in my hair; I expect to feel the bite any moment now, because I see the bloodlust written all over his face and I close my eyes in anticipation of the sharp sting.

Instead, all I feel is his lips; once again, placing a soft kiss on my cheek and his breath tickles me.

"I`m not gonna bite you, Elena," he murmurs lowly in my ear and I shiver. "You`re not food" he says again and I hear him chuckle in amusement.

I open my eyes and I meet his stare, the darkest blue possible, watching me intently under furrowed brow.

I`m still dazed, but also a little disappointed.

"You don`t bite only to feed. " I tell him, careful not to sound too bitter.

What was I thinking?

"No, we don`t. But that`s entirely different thing. You don`t wanna go there." He replies, his tone serious. What he doesn`t know probably is that telling me that I don`t want to go in there, will make me even more curious and wanting to go in "there".

Whatever that meant.

I can only pray to God that he won`t start asking questions right now, the kind of questions I don`t want to answer or hear the answers to.

I couldn`t tell him why am I doing any of this, because I don`t know myself. All I know is that I crave him. I crave him so wildly, with a deep seated need and desire, the thought of his lips on mine almost driving me mad.

So, I lift my head once again and look at him through my clouded stare. My eyes fall involuntary back on his lips, slightly swollen from our kisses and I am mesmerised.

His hand cups my chin and lifts it as he plants a butterfly kiss on my lips and sighs.

"You know, we shouldn`t." he says huskily.

"I know..." my voice trails off, " But I want to."

"I don`t want you to regret this later." He tells me sincerely. I know he means it.

"I won`t. " I say, and I mean it. I really do.

"Then say it. I want you to say." There is a flash of emotion in his eyes and I realise how much he needs this, to know that I won`t regret any of this later.

"I want this, "I hear my own, laden with desire voice saying, "And I won`t regret anything."

That`s all he needs to hear and his mouth crushes my lips once again in a violent, forceful kiss. This time, he doesn`t hold back anything and the force of his desire for me almost crushes me and leaves me breathless, but desperate for more and more.

"Take a shower with me." he whispers as he nibbles on my ear.

I nod in agreement, not the slightest bit embarrassed as he takes my hand and leads me to the bathroom, where he starts to undress me.

When he is done, I stand stark naked in front of him and watch him as he adjusts the temperature of the water and shreds his own clothes.

His lithe body strikes me with its beauty; the pale skin, stretched over firm muscles and broad shoulders with smooth, strong lines carving every sinew and making him looks like a statue of a young God with its perfection.

I swallow dry as my eyes travel all over his body; he is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen and I am about to have him.

Tonight, he belongs to me.

He turns to look at me and I take his hand, then we both step into the shower. He closes the door of the cabin and the hot steam of the water fills in the small space.

My heart flutters like mad in my chest as he leans over me and I am pressed to one of the glass walls of the cabin. He starts tracing kisses all over my jaw line down to my collarbone, until his lips reach my breasts and he slowly takes a nipple in his mouth. I moan loudly when he sucks and graze on it lightly, his tongue swirling around the hard pebble.

My nails are clawing the skin of his shoulders and a purring sound escapes him as he continues to cover me with wet kisses, leaving his trace on my skin. Our bodies are wet and slippery as the water beats down on us; all I feel is his lips, now travelling slowly from my breasts and further down as I gasp breathlessly.

A myriad of blissful sensations course through me as I feel his hand sliding between my legs and I arch my body in response, almost begging him to touch me there.

His name falls from my lips in a whisper, barely audible under the sound of the water, as he opens my legs and kneels between them.

He slides a finger in me and purrs in approval, seeing that I am already wet and ready, so ready for him. I close my eyes and a loud cry escapes my mouth when I feel his tongue moving slowly over my clit, licking and kissing. He sucks in, while his hand moves behind me to grab my ass and hold me tight in place.

I can feel my orgasm starting to build up deep inside me and I am about to fall over him, as his mouth and fingers work their miracle on me . I decide to stop him, because I don`t want it to be over yet. There is a gaping hole of desire opening in me, throbbing and pulsating with life, begging to its release, but I want him more than my own gratification.

I bury my hands in the dark hair and gently pull him back.

He lifts his eyes to look at me and stand up on his feet, allowing me to feel his hard-on pressed to my belly. My mouth finds his and I kiss him hard, while my hand finds his shaft and starts stroking him, at first gentle, but then faster and faster.

God, he is so big.

He moans in my mouth and I can hear a low, muffled "I want you...I want you so bad...".

"Then take, " I reply breathlessly between kisses, "I want you too."

His strong arms lift my body against the wall and I wrap my legs around his waist. He positions himself at my entrance and I can feel at first the tip of his head teasing me and I squirm against him, my needy whimpers filling the small space of the cabin.

"Please..." I beg as I feel him slowly guiding himself in me. I am crazed with lust and greedy; my body wriggles, craving friction, fiercely wanting to feel all of him, anything he would give me.

"Damon..." his name falls from my lips and he buries himself deeper; I am finally able to feel his length filling me in complete and my body adjusts to his size. He waits for a moment, allowing me to stretch for him before he starts moving, his motions agonizingly slow and I seek his mouth again.

Our tongues battle as he starts slamming into me, his thrusts harder and deeper and I scream with pleasure. My back is grinding against the wall as he takes me, on his own terms and I melt into a puddle in his arms.

Nothing in this world could ever prepare me for the way Damon`s body and Damon`s lips feel on mine; our bodies fit perfectly one another as God had created us for each other.

Our gazes lock; I can see his desire and need for me in his eyes and they match my own carnal and primitive need as he guides us both to blissful oblivion with his thrusts growing harder.

I feel him swelling and throbbing inside me and I know he is close; I start to come undone around him and my nails scratch wildly his back as I scream his name, over and over again. My body shakes uncontrollably and I writhe senselessly as the waves of the most violent orgasm wash over me and I completely abandon myself to the sensation.

My walls tighten around him and squeeze as he buries his face in the juncture between my neck and my shoulder with a hiss; I hear his moans as he comes hard and the warmth of his release spills inside me. My inner walls clasp him tight until he is drained out of the last drop and the shudders of our bodies slowly start to ease off.

We both stand still for a moment before our breathing returns back to normal and he releases his grip on me. I fall back on my feet, my knees so weak, threatening to betray me.

Damon leans once again to kiss me and I immediately part my lips in response; the kiss is light, slow and sweet and full of joy. He captures my bottom lip and lightly grazes on it and I giggle happily.

All worries are forgotten; I wanted so badly to allow myself this moment of pure happiness and forget about Stefan and the whole world.

Tomorrow, I can start anew, but tonight, is just us; tonight belongs to us.

He starts washing my hair with shampoo and I relax my head on his shoulders, utterly happy and sated, my mind floating in a pink haze. He washes my body thoroughly and when he is done, I repeat the process for him, shampooing his hair and smearing the soft lather all over his body.

The water starts running cold by the time we are ready to leave the bathroom. Damon grabs a towel and starts drying me with gentle, patting movements before his arms lift me up I am carried to the bed, where we both lie


	2. Chapter 2

**So, I decided to give this another go :) There will be at least another chapter for sure as I started writing it already, only my life is kinda hectic at the mo so I don`t know when I`ll update it. My multichapter will be updated soon, I promise.**

**I wanted to say thanks to those of you who left me a review and all the subscriptions and favourites I got. To the anonymous reviewer who suggested I should take a beta- I know I should but my lovely beta ( she does C&R for me) is also busy at the moment and I don`t really plan for this to be too long. Another thing- I don`t know if some of you who read my stuff know, but English is my second language (I am Bulgarian). I am aware that this is no excuse for someone who attempts to write in English, but c`mon guys, don`t be too hard on me, I am doing my best in here...Forgive me,please?  
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**Anyways, wake up to morning bonding, Delena style...**

**As usual, I own nothing but love to read reviews and thoughts...let me know if you like this...**

**x x x **

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><p>I wake up to the soft and velvety touch of a rose petal against my cheek.<p>

A touch, so light, I can barely feel it, yet it sends electric sparks all over my body.

My mind starts slowly to rouse from the layers of my slumber and somehow, I know that my rose petal is not a rose at all. It is someone`s lips touching me so gently.

A light brush against my lips, nothing more than a whisper, but it makes me smile as I nuzzle myself into the chest of the one, touching me. My face comes into contact with bare skin and I marvel at how soft and silky his skin feels, with not a single hair to disturb the smooth surface of his chest.

I inhale deeply his scent; it bears the clean smell of soap and a hint of musk in itself, making it comfortingly familiar and sweet, yet so masculine. Something about the way he smells reminds me of warm, sunny days and rivers and makes me feel strangely tranquil and elated, because it feels like home.

It feels as a place I belong to, right here and right now.

I am aware of a hand, caressing my cheek with tender, loving strokes and I hear a sigh somewhere close to my ear which makes me shiver. The hand continues its quest over my body, sneaking under the covers and palming my breasts as my nipples react involuntarily and grow harder under his touch.

I am very much awake by now and when I finally open my eyes, I am met by piercing blue, watching me intently with silent laugh in itself.

His lips curve in a smile, so different from his eternal smirk and his eyes light up as they linger on mine.

I smile in response as he leans to place a chaste kiss on my mouth, whilst his thumb continues massaging my sensitive nipple. I can feel my heartbeat accelerating as his hand travels further down to my belly and reaches my thighs, teasing my bare skin with slow, circular motions. I start to whimper as I feel the need building up inside me and the blood in my veins starting to boil slowly.

He pulls my body closer, his hands anchoring me to himself and I feel his steel erection pressed to my belly as I plaster myself to him, my breasts seeking the warmth of his skin on mine.

His mouth finds mine once again and I part my lips in response, allowing him entrance. He takes his time to explore my mouth thoroughly and I moan soft, little whimpers as his tongue swirls and plays with mine. His scorching lips burn me as he deepens the kiss and I hear a low growl, building up at the back of his throat.

His hands move to my hips and shift my body so I can straddle him and a moan escapes me when I feel his hardness between my legs. My heart beats like mad in my chest and my breathing becomes shallow as I come into full contact with his skin, my breasts painfully aroused as they touch his chest.

My hair falls in a heavy curtain that encases us and hides our faces from the rest of the world and leaves room for nothing else but us.

My whole world is narrowed down to the eyes of the man beneath me and his lips, kissing me so gently.

His hands cup my ass tightly as he starts gently rocking my hips, his shaft rubbing at my slick core and he purrs appreciatively when he feels how wet I am. I trail a wet kiss along his jaw and nibble at his neck as he slides one hand in between my bottom cheeks and gently rubs my entrance, causing me stir impatiently against his hand.

"Christ," he groans in my ear as I continue to grind myself against him, making him slick with my own juices and prolonging the sweet torture for both of us.

My eyes find his and our gazes lock; once again, I am drowning in the bottomless blue ocean of his eyes and there is no escape for me. I am completely drunk in this moment, intoxicated by the taste of him and I wouldn`t trade the liquor of his lips for anything in this world.

I can feel the fire trace he leaves on my skin everywhere he touches as his hands stroke my back and travel all the way to the back of my head, where his fingers tangle in my hair.

I draw in a sharp breath as I feel him sliding a finger into my throbbing core and my hips start rocking harder against his hand. One finger is replaced by two and I am gasping in his lips, my whole body aching with need for more.

"Damon," the name falls from my lips in a broken whisper, "Please..."

"Please what?" he drawls lazily against my lips.

"I need you," I sigh heavily as his fingers continue to tease me.

"Fuck Elena, you're so wet," his words come out in a hiss.

"I want...please" I beg as I slip my hand between our bodies in attempt to guide him inside me but he yanks it off.

"Patience," he tells me as he shifts my body with his speed and I find myself pinned underneath him, "I wanna taste you first."

He starts kissing his way down until his mouth reaches the juncture of my thighs and a loud cry escapes me when I feel the first swipe of his tongue.

His mouth devours me, licking and sucking and I moan loudly as my whole body ignites with fire and starts shaking uncontrollably with need for more. He slips two fingers inside me and starts pumping whilst his tongue licks me back and forth and I start to come undone around his fingers, the thick juices of my orgasm drenching them.

I scream his name as the force of my climax rips through my body and I am falling apart, my head spinning and black spots dancing at the back of my closed lids. He licks me out in complete until the shudders slowly start to ease off and my body stills.

My breathing is still ragged when he crawls back at my level and I feel him steel hard against my heat as he slowly guides himself inside me. I moan and my body arches as I feel his length, slowly pushing deeper and deeper and when he is finally seated, he stills for a moment.

It will never cease to amaze me the way his body fits mine so perfectly, moulding to every curve, the way two pieces of a puzzle fit together.

"Open your eyes, Elena." He tells me," I want to see you when you come for me again."

I comply and when I open my eyes, I am hypnotised by his stare. There is no trace left of the icy blue in his eyes; they are pitch black right now, seething and filled with desire for me.

He is beautiful; his pale face inhumanly so with his chiselled features and heavily hooded lids; the eyes underneath thick, dark lashes burning with smouldering flames as they hold my gaze and drill holes into my soul.

He`s not compelling me; there`s something else, some other spell he`s casting and I don`t really understand it, nor do I care to because I helplessly fall under and I am held captive.

I pull his head and our lips meet in a crushing kiss and I can taste myself on his lips as he thrusts into my slick core. My blunt teeth sink into his bottom lip and I bite him hard, drawing a tiny drop of blood and he groans as he pounds into me, taking us both to the edge of oblivion.

I can feel my inner walls clenching him tight as he pushes harder and harder in me and his eyes remain on mine, drinking me greedily as he takes my body to the brink of ecstasy. My legs are wrapped around his waist as I slide my hands over the smooth surface of his back, feeling the firm muscles underneath his skin.

I kiss his jaw, his neck, his shoulder as I hold him tight in my embrace, my entire self wrapped around him and he rests his head on mine as his movements slow down just a little bit.

He wants this moment prolonged.

I want this moment everlasting.

Our breathing is heavy, ragged and the only sound filling the small room; this is not the sound of two people having sex; this is the sound of us.

This is the sound of sin committed, for we are sinners and I may burn in hell for this but I will never regret a single moment of it.

Our lips meet again as we both ride the wave of our climax together, our bodies quivering in perfect tune with each other and I cling to him, my nails leaving a trail of claw marks on his back as I drink his every gasp in my mouth. A loud cry escapes me and I realise that I`m calling his name as I fall apart, my body permeating his every thrust and every drop of his release as he comes hard in me. My inner walls are still squeezing him tight when the violent shudders start to lessen and my mind is happily floating in blissful sensations as we continue to kiss long after the last waves are gone.

He leaves my body and rolls on his back and I feel the loss as something beyond the physical contact as it opens another hole in me. And somehow, I feel that this hole will only grow larger with time and this leaves me confounded because things were never supposed to be this way.

They were supposed to be simple.

I stroke his hair and follow his eyes, gazing at the ceiling, lost in their thoughts about me, about Stefan, about everything.

They are now back to their usual icy blue and I catch myself wondering what he is really thinking right now, because his eyes tell me nothing.

I want their secrets revealed.

He takes my hand in his and places a kiss one last kiss on my palm before leaving the bed and going into the bathroom.

I am suddenly lonely but even though, I find a strange solace in my loneliness. It occurs to me that maybe, this is what I need right now; to be alone.

We take our showers separately. Something is changed in the atmosphere between us and I am grateful for the little privacy the bathroom gives me.

A new ache is settling in my heart and I know that things will never be the same again, no matter how hard I try to convince myself that this was a one-timer.

Something like this can never be one-timer.

An awkward silence envelops us as we dress and prepare to leave the motel and hit the road again.

I stop at the door and turn to look at the room for one last time. My eyes contemplate the same green walls and curtains before they stop at the bed.

A double bed, covered in plain white sheets.

But the bed is not the same anymore; the sheets are tangled and the pillows bear the smell of me and Damon.

The room will carry the memory of our presence in there and every kiss, every touch and every breath we shared as we leave it to the next couple that hires it.

Maybe it could even tell our story; the story of Elena Gilbert and Damon Salvatore and the journey that brought them together in this room.

And I am not the same anymore.

A part of me still remembers how we came to be here but then there`s the other part that wants to never have to leave this room.

I force myself to close the door and follow him down to the snack bar where we order breakfast.

There is a new distance in his eyes.

We speak very little as we eat, eager to finish our food and get back on the road as if we`d be able to avoid the awkwardness once we`re in the car.

I have no idea what I`m eating or what does it taste like; I chew and swallow my food automatically as I think about what the possible future holds for me.

There will be a price to be paid soon and it`ll be a horrible price I know, because no, it`s not ok to love them both.

One love will only get stronger while the other one withers away.

"Don`t. You think too much. We`re still going to find Stefan and things will go back to as they were. This doesn`t change anything." His voice startles me and I jump on my seat, almost choking on my food.

I nod and pretend to believe him, but deep down, I know better.

It changes everything.


	3. Chapter 3

**First of all, I want to say thanks to all of you :) Special thanks goes to Tsukikomew and Bibi13ca for the kind words, Dannie777 for feeling her walls tighten and being awesome twitter buddy in general :)), also BadBoysAreBest for including me in her weekly Delena fics rec over LJ and everyone else that left me a review, favoured and subscribed :)))**

**I`m wrapping this up in the next chapter but because I`m going on holiday it`s possible that I`ll update it when I`m back :) hope the ending I have in mind will make up for the late update :)**

**This chapter doesn`t contain any smut but is more about Elena`s feelings and there`s also few Shadow Souls references. I hope it won`t disappoint. **

**I own nothing. **

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><p>I avert my gaze from the cloudless blue sky of Arizona, deciding it looks offensively bright and turn my back on it to face the room.<p>

This time, the predominant colour is beige. Beige are the walls, beige curtains cover the only window in sight, even the sheets on the bed are beige; the sand colour dominates every piece of furniture in this room, making it look bland and dusty.

I don`t mind beige in general, but I feel slightly sick, because this one here reminds me of a desert.

A waterless, desolate area of land with no face and no features.

It screams hopelessness in my face as in perfect tune with my thoughts.

Bonnie`s spells stopped working three days ago. All of a sudden she could no longer locate the current whereabouts of my boyfriend and his abductor. She has no explanation of why the locator spell won`t work anymore but something tells me that Klaus doesn`t want to be found.

And if Klaus doesn`t want to be found, there is little we can do about it.

All we have left now is three days old information that they are supposedly somewhere in Arizona.

Only, there is another development which hints us that we might still be on their trail.

Yesterday, there was a report on the radio; ten people declared missing in a matter of twenty-four hours in Bluewater.

Damon is positive it is them because this is highly unusual for a town with population less than thousand people and nonexistent rates of crime.

If this continues, the population of this small town will also become nonexistent soon and the horrendous thought makes me shudder.

The hair on my flesh is slowly rising at the thought because I hate to admit but I`m scared.

I know I shouldn`t be – after all I`ve had more than my fair share of supernatural experiences but I also know that where Klaus is involved, supernatural takes entire different shape and meaning.

And I am grateful for the delay because I need time to brace myself for what`s coming.

A part of me wants to just turn my back on this insanity and run away; run as fast and as far away as possible, to be anywhere but here.

Because I`ve had enough insanity in my life and there`s only so much I can take before I go insane myself.

But then there`s the other part which feels responsible for all of this, for the lives of those people, for the grief of their families and I wonder what Stefan`s part in all this is, how much he is involved in the carnage. I catch myself that I`m quick to assume the worst and imagine drained out of blood bodies scattered in some abandoned warehouse when this might not be the case at all but I guess this is one of the effects of having been drained of blood once yourself; imagine the worst.

My bleak thoughts are interrupted by the sound of the door opening and a faint swoosh. When I turn around, he stands before me, all dark hair and dark clothes and the moment my eyes fall on him, I fail to see anything else; his presence feels like a ray of sunlight entering the room and I feel warmer and strangely alleviated.

My gaze travels further down and stops at the mouth; arrogant and sensual, with soft, pink lips always slightly curving at the corners in an eternal smirk.

But the smirk is gone from his lips and a new bitterness is settled there; nothing more than a slight difference in the corners, making his lips appear pressed tighter.

It`s not something very much obvious but I still notice it because I`ve spent this last week studying his face and made myself familiar with the slightest changes of his expression.

My lips curve into an involuntary smile and my heart skips a beat when I see him smiling back at me but it lasts only a brief second before his face returns the impassiveness of the last days and the spell is gone.

I notice that he looks tired and worn out, with dark circles under his eyes and I realise that it`s been awhile since he last fed.

Of course, he doesn`t ask me to tap a vein for him.

I don`t offer either.

"Hungry?" he asks politely and I nod. I don`t really know if I`m hungry but I guess I`m expected to be. He takes the small menu from the bedside table and tosses it lightly to me.

My trembling hands catch it but I don`t look at it. My eyes remain on his face.

"Order yourself something," he tells me and starts to walk to the door."I`ll be next door if you need me."

I feel as though someone just slapped me as he shuts the door behind him. I hate to admit but it stings and waves of rejection wash over me as my hands find the wall behind me and I lean on it because my knees threaten to betray me.

It`s not that I didn`t know he`ll be sleeping in another room- ever since **that** night, we take separate rooms- and yet, I can`t help but feel rejected because tonight I need him more than ever and I know that he`s not going to come.

He never does.

Some time passes before I notice that the room has grown dark and I blindly stumble to lock the door, and then find my way to the bed where I curl up in a ball.

I feel terribly lonely and for the first time since the funeral, I let myself just wallow in my misery.

The tears come and break me and I let them flow freely.

It was bound to happen sooner or later; the pathetic mess residing beneath the calm surface of Elena Gilbert is about to make its grand appearance and this time I`m not able to stop it.

I`m not made of steel after all. It`s all very nice to be able to take whatever life throws at you but there`s only so much I can take.

This last slap somehow did it for me and I`d much rather he slapped me for real than treating me this way.

Elena Gilbert is allowed to cry too.

And cry I do but for the first time I don`t cry for anyone else; I indulge in crying for myself.

I don`t cry for all the people that I`ve lost; I`ve mourned them enough and I`ll keep mourning them until my last breath but not tonight.

I cry for all the chances for a normal life that I`ve never had and probably never will; I cry for me and me only and this new dull ache that is settling in my heart and refuses to leave.

Something is lacking, right there where there was certainty once; now there`s only doubt and I grow more and more agitated and furious with myself for all those reasons unknown.

In my memories, Stefan`s face fades away, until it`s nothing more than a distant image of another time and another me...and while a part of me have always known that I love Damon, only now I realise that I`m falling in love with him.

I`m falling in love with him and I`m falling hard, harder than I ever thought was possible. But his eyes are carefully guarded and cold, his face is devoid of emotion ever since that night in the motel and it only adds to my confusions as the days pass. I know that he has every right to distance himself- after all, I`m still officially with Stefan but still, it hurts.

Because every day I spend with him on the road, every look and every touch that we share only brings me closer to him and drives me further apart from Stefan. I try to hold on to Stefan`s image and tell myself that he needs me now, maybe more than ever but it`s pointless.

His face is slipping away from me and the soft green eyes in my memories are replaced by another ones; azure blue, surrounded by the thickest of eyelashes and the thick, arched eyebrows that make it almost impossible to look away. They are the only eyes I`ve seen that look so icy and smouldering at the same time.

They evoke memories of steamy showers and tangled sheets and butterflies in my stomach.

If someone had told me last year that this would happen, I would have laughed because I remember that there was a time I tried so hard to despise him.

I`ve been wrestling this notion all week long and now is all rushing to the surface to blow up in my face; I have fallen in love with him.

Wonderful.

Now, when I`m so close to finding Stefan.

And I shouldn`t be so fucking surprised, should I? After all, I was there when he told me that he loved me and I didn`t reject him; I kissed him and it wasn`t because I pitied him or anything. I kissed him because I wanted to and thought that I`ll never have another chance to do it.

I simply accepted his words and his love, the way I have accepted everything he`s given me- with no promises made and no expectations of ever returning anything.

I slept with him- twice- and it was the most beautiful and wonderful thing that`s ever happened to me. Then I`ve been feeling hurt and rejected when he`s given me the cold shoulder all week long.

So, no, I really shouldn`t be surprised. Perhaps I`m little slow when it comes to realising important stuff like matters of the heart.

I can feel the violent weeps rising up my throat, deep and agonising sobs shaking me, and I bury my face in the pillow in attempt to muffle my own voice. The sobs shake my whole body as the dull ache rips through my chest and I choke on my tears. The weeps take over my voice and my hands clutch at the pillow as I fight hard to remain silent.

Once unleashed, the tears refuse to stop any time soon and I simply let them soak the pillow as time passes. I don`t know for how long I`ve been crying before a loud pounding on the door startles me.

I decide to ignore it but the pounding continues.

"Go away!" I shout exasperated to whoever is behind the door but they don`t appear to listen because next thing I hear is another loud bang. When I raise my head from the pillow I see the door being yanked off its hinges and plummeting down the room with a crashing sound.

He storms in like a tornado and I am swept off the bed as he starts shaking me by the shoulders.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I yell at him and he puts me back to sit on the bed. The room spins around me and my head feels heavy but I quickly snap back and try to regain my posture.

"No, you tell me what`s wrong with you!" he shouts back at me and I blink in surprise. I`ve seldom heard Damon yell; he`s always so calm and collected, sometimes to the point of frightening.

"What`s your problem? I ask as I wipe the traces of tears with my sleeve.

"What is my problem? I`ve spent the past couple of hours listening to you cry, this is my problem!" he answers through gritted teeth.

I gasp at this audacity.

"So I`m not allowed to cry just because you don`t like it?" My voice rises again.

He grunts something under his breath and although I can`t make out the exact words, I`m fairly sure he`s cussing.

"I can`t take your tears, Elena." He tells me, his voice hoarse and lacking its usual silkiness and he frowns to himself.

His eyes are boring into mine, suddenly darker and angry with me as I have committed some sort of crime by crying. It makes me utterly frustrated because I don`t get him but my frustration evaporates quickly and is replaced by anger.

Anger`s good, I decide. Better than appearing weak and pathetic as I really feel on the inside.

I`ll stick to anger.

"You!" I say as I stand up and move dangerously close to his body until my finger points at his chest, "You think you can ignore me whole week and then just come here and break down my door? You think you can just sleep with me and then pretend that I don`t exist, Salvatore?"

The words come rushing out before I can stop myself and the moment I say them, I already regret them.

Now I`ve done it.

I`ve made a complete fool of myself.

I can`t believe I just said that and I repress the sudden urge to slap myself.

I bite my lip, wishing I`ve just kept my mouth shut but it`s too late now. I see his jaw dropping as he steps back.

"Oh, believe me, I`m well aware of your existence." his voice is a hiss as he takes another step to the window, "I`m ignoring you now? What`s your point?"

Truth to be told, I don`t know myself what exactly is my point and he sees my hesitation.

"That`s what I thought." he says again, sounding bitter, "Tomorrow comes and you`ll go running back to your boyfriend as soon as you see him so you don`t really have the right to complain."

His voice whips me and I realise that he might be right.

Maybe I`ll go back to Stefan.

Maybe I won`t.

What Damon doesn`t know is that right here and right now, I miss him more than Stefan.

I miss him, even though physically he`s so close to me right now, it feels as we`re miles away from each other and this distance is killing me.

He must have seen something on my face, maybe my thoughts written all over it but next thing I know is, he speeds himself to me and catches me in an unbreakable grip. My head tilts back as his lips descend on mine and I am crushed under the most vehement of all kisses.

He`s punishing me for something and I don`t even know what for.

His lips, previously always so gentle with me, are now hard and fierce against mine. The kiss is long and filled with all the foreign sensations we both feel; I can feel his anger emanating from him and it catches me too like a wildfire spreading through my veins; my body starts to respond and I feel my hands curling into fists and grabbing fistfuls of his hair as I devour his mouth.

I lose my grip on reality as the familiar heat starts coursing through my body and making my heart beats faster in my chest.

A moan escapes me when his hands slide down my back and lift me up. I am spun around and I find myself pressed to the wall, his body leaning against mine and I lock him between my legs.

"Do you really think that I can be with you now just to give you up the moment you see him? I thought so too but I was wrong." The words are just a whisper against my lips but I can still feel their poignancy and the bitter aftertaste they leave behind.

I try to protest, to tell him that he`s wrong and I don`t want to run to Stefan anymore but my protests are cut short with a kiss that wipes out the rest of my ability to think straight.

There is a huge lump in my throat that threatens to choke me again but I swallow hard, determined not to let the tears ruin this moment. Instead, I just kiss him. I kiss him until I can no longer breathe or think or speak.

I kiss him deep and hard and insatiable; I want to make it count because this might be the last time we kiss and the thought terrifies me more than it should.

His grip on me grows firmer and I can feel his desperation pouring out of him in every stroke of his tongue against mine; I can feel it all too well because it echoes in my own thoughts, my ragged breath, my heartbeat.

And perhaps it is in this precise moment I make my decision as I grip at his leather jacket and cling to him, more desperate than ever.

It`s not much of a decision really, it`s more like the realisation that I`ll be never be able to go back to Stefan that hits me and I smile. An overwhelming and immense relief wash over me when I realise that not only I won`t go back to Stefan but I`ll never have to let go of Damon.

Desperation is replaced by euphoric happiness and I bask in it. I continue to kiss him with reckless abandon, dizzy and elated to the tips of my toes.

And I can feel that he feels it too because his lips smile against mine and his kiss grows more urgent and fervent as we both plunge in the whirlpool of this foreign sensation that leaves me breathless and whimpering in need for more.

But I can`t tell him now. I am still terrified that if I break our kiss, the moment will be gone and will never return. Maybe I have forgotten how to be happy because it feels all so foreign to me and I am so afraid to let go of him right now, even if it`s only to tell him.

So I`ll save this for later.

For now, all I can do is show him.


	4. Chapter 4

**First, I need to apologize to all of you that actually liked this story and wanted to see how it ends. I`m a horrible person, I suck at endings and I most certainly suck at writing. To be honest, I wasn`t even planning on finishing it. It`s been a very long time since I sat down and wrote a word and it has become too hard for me to do so. But I did my best here, given the limited spare time I`ve got ****and I hope it reads well. If you like it, let me know :)**

**Just a side note- I`m not tackling the ****Stefan/Elena break up or what might`ve happened between them. I`m not interested in them and this story is about Damon and Elena only. I`ll leave the rest to your imagination.**

**As usual, I own nothing. **

**Kat, this is for you. I hope you like it :) **

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><p>"It was a long time ago; I have almost forgotten my dream. But it was there then, in front of me, bright like the sun."<p>

Langston Hughes

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><p>"<em>Run, Elena, run" <em>

_My whole being screams and tells me that I should listen to him but my legs seem to have frozen and I can`t will them to move an inch. _

_The air slowly turns into a golden, heavy liquid in which my lifeless body stands inert, unable to move and alone, so alone._

_I search the stranger` eyes for any sign of recognition; I find none. There is nothing even remotely human left in them; those are the eyes of a predator._

_A murderer with no regard for human life. _

_I shut my eyes closed but even behind my closed lids I can still see the eyes- gleaming in the dark with some strange light irradiating them from within. _

_I can feel the scream building up in my throat and I choke on it, for I have ceased to breathe and screaming requires breath._

_My mind vaguely registers Damon`s presence somewhere nearby and I absentmindedly wonder if he`s angry at me. _

_I wasn`t supposed to be here. I was supposed to wait for him in the hotel and I already regret my decision to follow. I wish he`d tie me up in that room to prevent me from leaving it but it`s too late now; the horrific image that unfolds before me is already seared in my mind and is going to haunt me forever. _

_I should`ve never left that room._

_The air gets thicker with frost and I can almost feel it`s murky, inky taste settling in my mouth, piling up my throat, threatening to suffocate me. _

_My body has gone into stupor and I feel the chills creeping up my spine; I feel cold, frozen even, down to the marrow of my bones. _

_My body might`ve been dead at that moment but my head feels pretty much alive and buzzing with thoughts like little caged animals, bouncing off each other in their panic._

_I can hear Klaus`s maniacal laugh somewhere close but I don`t pay much attention as I stand transfixed, mesmerised by the view in front of me._

_Stefan`s face. _

_His features are twisted in a horrible grimace but what grabs my attention the most is the blood; smeared all over his face, dripping off of his chin and falling on the ground with soft thuds._

_Thud. Thud. Thud. _

"_Run, Elena, run." The voice tells me again and I know that I should listen to it at once and will my heavy legs to move and never look back but my will has left me and there is nothing, nothing I can do to make them move._

_Beat, my heart, beat._

This is when the scream starts and it shutters me. My lungs burn with the strain of thousands of knives cutting through them and the sound bounces off the walls until I am completely and utterly awake. It usually takes a minute or two before the wails stop and reality settles quietly back in.

I sit bolt upright in my bed and cover my ears as if to protect them from the high pitched shriek until I manage to calm my laboured breathing.

I become aware of hands stroking my hair and a voice, murmuring soothing nonsense. Two heavy arms wrap around my torso and I am pulled in a tight embrace.

Then I remember and I sigh in relief. That was then. And this is now.

And Damon`s here.

His presence feels like warm sun rays after a violent storm, bathing me in its warmth and a sense of security envelops me.

I turn to face him; the room is heavy with darkness, except for the faint moonlight coming through the window which makes his face look like carved stone with the contrast of its paleness. He is beautiful and he takes my breath away.

He hasn`t left my side ever since we came back from that horrendous road trip, not for a single moment. But that`s all that there is, really.

We eat together and we sleep together. We don't talk about _him_ anymore. His face only reappears in my night terrors to prey on me but I`m learning to deal with it and Damon`s helping me too. He doesn`t say it but I know this is the real reason for him still being here.

He wants to take care of me, if only I would allow him to. And I wanted to allow him but I needed time. I think we both needed time to weigh the crushing reality of our lives.

Our days got lost in the hundred shades of boredom; a dark time that we might never be able to make up for. There`s apathy, there`s feigned nonchalance.

But I`m done with all of this.

"You know, I can take it all away" he offers. Not for the first time since I have turned into a nightmare having, wailing mess.

"I want to remember," I tell him quietly.

He gives me the look again but I remain adamant. We`ve been through this before.

"You`re just being stubborn" He shrugs as if he were indifferent and shifts his body so he can face me.

He probably wouldn't understand it and I don`t care to explain but I need my nightmares and my memories even if this means not being able to sleep normally, ever again. I know Damon can make life much easier for me if he erased the memories and I can go back to being the old Elena and the thought terrifies me.

Because, where I lost, I gained. Maybe even more than I can even begin to comprehend but all I know is, I need to remember. Every single step of the journey that has brought us both here today and if this means putting up with the nightmares every night, well…I`ll take my chances. Perhaps someday the nightmares will cease in the comfort of Damon`s arms. Perhaps, his presence in my life should be enough to keep me grounded.

Damon remains silent but he`s mostly silent these days. I have the strangest sensation, as if he`s waiting for something. We are two waves on the verge of collision but the emptiness between us prevents us from becoming one.

He is a foreign land to me now, which secrets I may never uncover unless I find my way back to him.

I need him and I need to show him exactly how much.

"Kiss me" I say silently, my voice on the point of breaking with emotion.

I draws a sharp breath in surprise; never before I`ve actually asked him to kiss me.

Something in the close proximity of our bodies' charges and the tension is almost palpable.

My body starts humming, relishing his closeness, greatly pleased at the contact. My heart, tired of being lonely, tired of resisting him thumps dully in my ribcage in anticipation.

I lose track of the time; whether hours or just minutes pass before he pulls me closer to himself and starts kissing me; fervent kisses that linger on my forehead, my lids, cheeks and chin, then moves further down my throat, leaving little traces of fire on my skin and a low moan escapes me. I have longed for his touch for so long that now it`s almost foreign to me. Everything I feel is magnified by thousands; waves of desire and need for him wash all over her body in tune with his lips; there is no going back for me.

"Damon" a low whisper on my lips.

And again and again in soft moans as I bury my fingers in the soft, dark hair. His name feels so right, it has always meant to be there.

_Damon_.

A hushed sigh, almost inaudible in the night; a heartbeat of a heart, no longer beating.

A silent prayer on my lips.

_Damon._

And quietly, _I love you_.

A brief pause.

"Finally," I can barely hear him sigh in the darkness but I feel his smile on my skin. "Finally," he repeats and leans to take my lips once again. There is a difference in the way he kisses me now; his lips are soft and gentle, almost reverent. There is no trace left of his previous passion and I feel a twinge of sadness for I have deprived both of us of something this necessary, for so long. It came easy, natural as breathing; it shouldn't have been that hard to tell him long time ago. But I didn't want him to think that I`m using him as a rebound.

My feelings for him had nothing to do with Stefan.

But Damon has been patient. He must`ve known it all along.

Determined to make it up to both of us for all the time we`ve lost, I cup his face and I drink him in. His lips are sweet and gentle; my pulse grows erratic under his response. I trace my hands over the smooth chest, caressing every sinew, admiring the potency of the muscles underneath the cool skin; I am entranced by him.

I savour the feeling.

_Mine_.

"Yes, my love. Finally"

I bask in this moment of sheer perfection because for the first time in my life I feel that complete. My whole world is narrowed down to this man and the fundamental need I have for him.

_I missed you so much. _

And just like that, all of a sudden, everything is lost to me.

Everything but Damon.

Our past and our present- it`s all gone. All thoughts and reason - gone.

We succumb to only feeling and touching, devouring each other, and oh, we`re so greedy.

_Mine, all mine_.

There are only hands and lips and skin now but I couldn`t ask for nothing more because they`re his hands and his lips and his skin. He slips his hand under my nightie and frees me from it. We plaster our bodies together, seeking more and more of our bare flesh. The sweetest sensations of all that is his body covering mine and my back arches violently in response to his lips.

Hands trembling, caressing, exploring.

Heath flushing through me, coursing, cascading.

"Show me," he breathes in my ear," show me how much you love me."

Our tongues meet, reunited once again, tasting, dancing, consuming each other.

_Where do I even begin?_

I kiss everywhere; his lips and face, before I move to his neck and shoulders, kissing and biting my way down his smooth body, to where he is already hard and waiting for me.

I stop for a moment and risk a glance at him; he is watching my every move with the expression of utter concentration and devotion on his face.

_He looks perfect beneath me. _

I bite slightly the tip of his head and I`m rewarded with a groan from him. My hand strokes him gently as my tongue dances along his length, tasting him, driving him crazy before I take him in full into my mouth. He draws a hissing breath as I suck him deeper, almost choking on his size and he buries his hands in my hair, urging me to move. I suck and lick and bite until his groans grow louder and I feel him getting close before I release the grip of my mouth and crawl back to straddle him. I am wet and ready for him, but he`s in no hurry; I am spun around as he starts traveling all over my body, kissing, exploring. His lips finally arrive at the inner side of my thighs and linger there, tongue swirling around but avoiding the place I want him to touch most.

I am whimpering now; ready to beg to give me what I want as his tongue reaches its final destination and starts licking slowly the wet centre of my heated core, his hands holding a firm but gentle grip on my hips.

"Damon! ..." I pant frantically, hands clutching at the sheets. My voice is urgent, willing him to give me what I crave but he is in no hurry and takes his time to kiss his way back to my lips, savouring every inch of skin. It feels like ages before I finally feel his steel erection pressed at my entrance and he slowly guides himself in me. I can`t help but moan loud as our lips meet. He starts moving, dictating our pace; I feel him plastered deep into me, filling me to the very core of my being as he thrusts harder and harder. His scorching eyes hold my gaze and for a moment there, I feel like falling into them and drowning into their blackness.

My head falls backwards to expose my throat and I tug his head in silent invitation.

I feel the piercing as he bites and the waves of my orgasm wash over me. His mind slips into mine and I am aware of the invasion; his physical body catches me in his embrace with gentle strokes, evoking sweet shivers all the way down my spine, while his mind slowly drags me into his whirlpool of emotions. In this moment we are completely one; a unison of body, mind and soul. A kaleidoscope of colours that makes my head spin and almost faint, swallowed by the bottomless blue that is predominant- him. There is no point in resisting, so I give in. It astounds me with its force and my body is taken to an entirely new journey; a vortex of feelings, pleasure and emotions and I drag him with myself; he follows with a growl as he releases himself deep and hard into me.

He withdraws from my throat and places a soft kiss over the mark before he bites his own wrist and offers it to me.

And I take it, because all of this belongs to me. I sink my blunt teeth into the skin of my beloved and I drink until I feel its healing powers circulating in my bloodstream.

"I love you," he tells me simply and those words echo into my soul.

"I know," I reply quietly, "I love you too. Tonight... hold me. Don`t let go of me."

"Never." He breathes in my lips.

We both still for a moment; happy and not entirely sated, but we know- the night is ours.

As all nights will be.

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><p>The Dawn comes and sneaks into the room to see Elena and Damon for what they truly are; their bare souls, caught up in each other`s hold, their bodies glistening as silver serpents in their dance of love. Twin flames, two parts of the same soul, burning in their fiery passion until all is left are ashes.<p>

And the Dawn liked what it saw, thinking that those two had finally found each other.

As they always will.

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><p>~end~<p> 


End file.
